Scientists have identified 50
individuals who are able to spot deception with great accuracy after testing
more than 15,000 people. Eyes for Lies is one of the 50 people.
More
Eyes kept score on her blog for 7.5 years and had an accuracy rate of 95%
after identifying truth and deception in
38/40 people
before the truth was known by watching media clips. A record comparable to none.
Eyes for Lies is not psychic.
While this video is just a joke and was created by actors, I still think there is good value in watching it. Many people take life at face value and when they see a sad face or a tragic story, they fall into the grasp of prey. Or when they are offered a "too good to be true" become rich opportunity, they buy into it. They get emotional and their critical thinking levels drop. This is exactly how serial killers lure their victims, and how scam artists succeed in conning people. While I am not trying to scare people and many of you saw red flags at various levels, I thought I would break down some of the notable points of this video for you.
When you first watch the video, what is the first thing you notice?
Read moreYou should be immediately struck by what the host says about saving money, "We're going to show you how to guilt your kids into dropping out of college." I can be confident that many people missed this. We get drawn into stories and when we hear a tragedy, we often get emotional and miss basic details. Being fine-tuned into the details is a big head-start into spotting deception. Truly listening to people is so critical and I am amazed at how many people fail to do this. It's one of the easiest ways to increase your ability to spot deception. If you listen critically to what is being said, you have a much higher likelihood that you'll hear inconsistencies, which is one of the bigger red flags to deception.
The second thing that caught my eye was the photo of the python with the child in its belly. It's so horrifying, if this were real, you can be assured it would not be shown on TV. Did this give you pause?
I find it fascinating how the mom says, "It was just a regular morning". If this was a tragedy as we are being told, she wouldn't be recalling it as a 'regular morning'. This shows lack of emotional by-in to the storyline.
When she says, "Rich was taking the girls to school and Zack was playing in the habitat," her emotions are flat. Did you hear here say this when you first watched it?
We would expect to see pain, fear, stress, concern, worry--something on the mom's face, but we see nothing. Instead, she looks at the reporter with a classic expression of "Am I believable? Do you believe me?" Something about liars, they look for assurance that their storyline is being bought into. I see it time and time again.
You've got to laugh that Zack shared a room with the snake and that Zack was playing "in the habitat" while she was in another room painting. Did you catch this detail? Of course, this is absurd and no parent caught in this nightmare would ever admit to this. They'd be panicked their other children would be taken away and they would lie to cover this, if it were true. People self-preserve. Its part of our nature as humans.
If you listen to the mother's voice as she talks, it is quite interesting that many of her statements end in a high note, like a question, rather than in a down tone like a statement.
I continually notice the mom's expressions are flat, and when she does finally break down, its labored. You can almost feel her working at becoming upset and there are absolutely no tears! Did you notice? At one point, I almost wonder if she started to laugh as she fake-cried when she put her head down. I can't be sure. She must have thought of something sad though, because she did pull off for a couple of seconds a good sad expression.
You have to laugh at the father when he says, "You never think your python is going to bring the family anything but joy." And the reporter when he says, "Its the kind of thing you think can only happen to other people..."
It's even more funny how the father says, "We tried to be safe parents. We would never let Zach by the pool unless he was supervised by one of us or the python." Did you hear "or the python" when you first listened to this video?
You've got to be laughing at this point. His wife just said they left him alone in the "habitat". Big inconsistencies and absolute craziness--the snake watching the boy in the pool. It's over-the-top. There were so many things that should have caught people's attention, but I bet I can be confident we all missed details, myself included.
The mom goes on, "I keep thinking what if I had checked on them before I went shopping and the movies." Hello! Who leaves a little boy alone to go shopping and to the movies? Remember, dad was out with the girl(s).
The father says, "We were going to put a lock on the habitat. I mean a door and then a lock on the habitat, but..." He goes on, "We even thought about putting the snake outside...especially since he ate our Boston terrier a couple of months ago." Did you catch these--that there was no door on the habitat? That the snake ate their Boston terrier?
Hello?!
No parents in their right mind would admit to being so careless unless they were severely disabled. People have a natural sense of preservation, which is clearly missing from this comedy, for obvious reasons :).
I could go on, but since this is a joke, and I will stop here. If you believed these people, because you are new to The Onion, its okay. Don't beat yourself. Maybe this is a good experience that you can improve your listening skills. Simply doing that, you will help dispel more deception than you'll ever realize.
I'd be curious to hear from people, after reading this, did you see more in writing than you actually heard? I can honestly admit even I did not hear everything the first time through myself. Why is that?
* * * I think what is key in hindsight is that if you knew of The Onion, you would know to look out for all the humor. If you didn't know The Onion, then what I have written above would apply.
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Prof Wiseman, the author of Quirkology (which I'm fairly certain I saw you mention on your blog at some point, so I think you're familiar with it) interviewed a man and had him lie once and tell the truth once. Actually, he did it several times, but this is more recent and wasn't discussed in the book. The videos are posted here.
I'm sure you can tell the difference quite easily, but it's a fun and interesting little experiment and a nice illustration of truth vs. lie in a more controlled setting. With most of the people you discuss on your blog, we only get to see the people tell it one way. This way, we get to see the same question answered truthfully and falsely. Just thought you might find it interesting!
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Last week, I took a poll on what people thought about the polygraph machine. Here is an interesting article that talks further about it that I thought you might find interesting: Foolproof Test for Catching Liars Still Elusive
I voting results can be accessed tomorrow and will be displayed when poll closes in the future.
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The video you saw of "Karen and August" is actually a hoax. It was a government ad by VisitDenmark, are you ready, to promote tourism. I can't help but find this funny. What were these people thinking?
In the end, I think they realized they might get the wrong kind of tourists, and decided to pull the ad, but they have had a difficult time doing so. It keeps popping up on YouTube repeatedly. No surprise there.
For those of you who have interest, and wondered if the baby is hers, according to this website, it is not. You can read about that here.
There are, however, many clues to deceit in this video.
Read moreI thought it was hilarious how "Karen" (whose real name is reported as Ditte Arnth Jorgensen) totally forgets her baby's name, and in the process laughs about it. Her laugh was the second red flag for me. I would expect her to be nervous about truly trying to find the father, but there were absolutely no sign of nerves.
Then she says about the baby, "His name is August. Yeah." The "yeah" is indicative of deception that I have never seen written about anywhere. People who are deceptive often verbally confirm their own story, as she does here. It's like they are thinking through what they just said, and then, without a realizing it, they say "yeah" as if they are convincing themselves. Does that make sense? She does this four or five times in this video.
"Karen" also looks like she is going to break out laughing in the beginning of this video, which doesn't fit with the scenario. If a woman was really going to stick herself out there to do this, I would think she would really want to find the father, and wouldn't find the situation laughable. With that, she would likely be nervous, as she would be truly hoping to do this successfully, and get the answers she so craves. I did wonder, for a second, if an honest psychopath could do this, but in the end, there were too many clues to even consider it.
I love when "Karen" says, "I was on my way home and..." At this point, she makes a question face. I don't know how to say it any other way. Her face makes an expression, as if she is questioning what she is saying. This is another red flag. She also says, "I think you lost your friends." She thinks? It becomes very apparent this woman doesn't know any details whatsoever, which of course, is another red flag. Even drunk people remember some detail before they pass out.
Notice how she also swallows awkwardly? While this is not always a clue to deceit, when I see it amongst many other clues, it is supportive.
Watch her shoulder shrug when she says, "I don't remember where you are from, or.... yeah." I love that sentence! Two more indications of deception: a shoulder shrug and a verbal confirmation.
Then she says, "I don't even remember your name."
What woman on earth would be willing to put herself out there and say this? This was mind-boggling. Even if casual sex is more acceptable in Denmark, most people don't like to admit, especially women, they were so drunk out of their mind they couldn't remember someone's name with whom they were intimate! Most societies have less than pleasant names for people like this, and I am sure the Danes are not exception. I laughed when I watched this, because again, I wondered if a psychopath who is being honest might do this, but of course, that was out of the question by this point.
After she says she doesn't remember his name, she says that she does remember that they talked about Denmark. This is absolutely hilarious. Only "Denmark" sticks out with all the details this night? The person who created this video doesn't understand the human mind.
People remember the most detail when they have an association or a connection to something. Naturally, emotions will elicit the broadest recollections of past memories. So for this woman to say that Denmark was more memorable than the guy's name, a guy who fathered her child, is just comical.
I have to say "Karen" did quite well when she says she is not crazy or obsessive. She managed to get that smile off her face and be more serious, but then she says, "I feel I owe it to both you and him. Yeah." Another verbal confirmation that makes no sense unless she is trying to convince herself of her story.
She continues, "I haven't been with anyone else since that night. Yeah. Just so you know that." There is another "yeah", but more inconsistent would be the claim to her actions. If she is the type of woman who enjoys casual sex and drinking to the point of not remembering anything, it would be very unlikely she would have abstained from sex or drinking for a year and a half. That in and of itself makes her statement highly unlikely, even if everything else turned out to be true, which we know it is not.
I feel sorry for the people who created this. The backlash from this isn't likely to go away any time soon.
* While there are many signs to deception, don't forget, I believe there is not one clue that is reliable to predict deception in every case. Deception detection requires a multifaceted approach. If you show me a trait you think only liars do, I can be confident I can find you an honest person doing the same thing, so just be cautious!
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When I watch Rifqa Bary in the first few seconds of this video, her behavior changes from a happy "Hi" to this supposedly scared young girl. These two behaviors are very contradictory and my first red flag. It's as if Rifqa didn't notice the camera and when she did, she slinks down into an act.
When the reporter asks Rifqa what is going on, Rifqa's demeanor changes again. Notice how she immediately looks down as she starts talking, "Well, ah...I'm a Christian and uh, my parents are Muslim, they're extremely devout..."
Read moreNotice she shows no sign or indication of fear at all? She doesn't show any signs or indication of stress either at this point. As a matter of fact, she continually flashes smiles throughout this video and even breaks down at one point in laughter when she says, "...I don't know if you know about honor killing, but this faith, that the...you guys don't understand...".
When you are scared out of your mind that someone might kill you, you don't smile. It's a complete contradiction. Also, notice how when she talks and gets rolling, she isn't scared at all as the man in the video first said? She rather seems to enjoy the attention at times.
When Rifqa says, as she buries her face in the man's chest standing next to her, "They don't understand", her voice is indicative of a classic whine. There are no tears, and she is not crying, yet her shoulders shake as if she is. The actual act of crying would cause Rifqa body to shake, yet she isn't crying. There are absolutely no tears whatsoever. One plus one doesn't equal two here. Notice how Rifqa doesn't want you to see her face when she pouts like this? Has she been called out on her "crying episodes" before?
In the middle of her crying, she breaks out into a laugh again when she says, "I can't go back to Ohio." She holds back laughter just after this as well.
Notice how she rambles on? When people are deathly afraid, they typically shut down. It's not common for people to ramble in a state of true deep fear--especially fear that one's life is stake. It's notably odd here. I would agree that she is nervous here, but that could be for a variety other of reasons.
I find it fascinating that she put her beliefs on Facebook, if she truly believed such knowledge could cause her father to kill her. She was willing to go public on Facebook without fear of being killed? This again is a complete contradiction. And now she seems to think if she stays in Florida that she will be safe? If her father "has to kill her", would she be safe anywhere?
I find it interesting how she says her father "was about to me beat me." Obviously, he didn't lay a hand on her, but it sure makes him sound bad doesn't it?
Rifqa says, "I snuck out to Christian prayer meetings in fear of my life." Does this make any sense? If she is afraid for her life, why would she do this now? Ironically, if you listen, Rifqa tells us her dad knew about her religious views for some time, because supposedly he enrolled her in "class after class after class" hoping to convert her back to Islam. When you realize her dad knew about this for some time, and Rifqa refused to respect her dad's wishes, you have question, is this fear of religious persecution or a battle of the wills between a teenage daughter and her father? It's obvious she knew her dad disapproved and she continued anyway. Where was her fear of being killed then? What caused her to change?
Notice how Rifqa's behavior is very different as she tells us what I suspect are true facts about how she hitch-hiked to a bus station. Rifqa says, "I got a ticket to Florida because I had met them through a prayer (unintelligible) on Facebook..." [I'm curious, who bought that ticket-- the Florida pastor?]Notice how Rifqa makes normal eye contact when she says that? When she gives these details, her demeanor changes a 180 degrees. That's what makes her other behavior even more outstanding.
Look at her smile when she says, "Imagine the honor in killing me."
I also noticed how when she says either they will kill her or send her to an asylum, when she says "asylum" the first time, she says it as a question. We can't see her face, but it appears she is looking for confirmation from the man in front of her, who is being represented as an expert, if it is, in fact, an asylum. She then repeats the word "asylum" again as a statement. This suggests that her dad didn't tell her this, it is these men in her life (standing beside her and in front of her now), who brought her to Florida, that likely introduced her to some aspects of this concept. That's scary and indicative of brainwashing!
The reporter then says, "Do you really think this is true or just a threat?" Watch Rifqa smile and laugh nervously. Where is her fear?? Notice she doesn't answer the question.
Rifqa starts her whine again, "I am one of hundreds." She talks faster and tries to get more convincing, but she is lacking any emotional support to her claims. She continually laughs over and over again, and worse she keeps looking to this man off camera in front of her, who is supposedly knowledgeable on this for support. If she truly believed this, should wouldn't need his affirmation, but she keeps visually seeking it.
I personally do not believe Rifqa is being sincere with us. I also question the motives of the people who are supposedly "helping her". Regardless of all of this, I do think it is prudent an investigation take place to ensure all appropriate steps are taken as a precaution, because "honor killings" are real and do go on in the world, though it is rare in the U.S. (though have occured).
I hope for Rifqa's sake, too, that she is simply crying wolf.
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My friend happened to come visit last week and pulled up in a new vehicle. I'm not a "vehicle" person, but her wheels were so sharp, that I couldn't help but take notice. They weren't sporty or flashy, but stylish and effective for the job she needed them for. I have to admit it, we've been friends since we were in second grade, and she's always been the trailblazer of the two of us.
So when she left, it was natural for me to check out her purchase. I've been toying with the idea of changing my wheels and when I read about her vehicle, I was sold. It was exactly what I had been looking for, but didn't know existed. I need tow power, but do not want to drive a truck or a clunky vehicle, and this was a perfect option!
Read moreSo I started checking online for pricing and called some dealers. I didn't know anything about the CARS program, so I did some reading on it and found my old vehicle qualifies for the program (though in the end, I found mine will get more money on the used market than for CARS). If you go through the government website, it will tell you if your exact vehicle qualifies and how much you will receive. I then called dealers to talk about it, and the first salesman I got on the phone told me I didn't qualify.
To convince me, he showed me a statement online for class 2 vehicles, knowing full well that I had a class 1. He made me doubt my vehicle qualified. It was clear he wanted to get rid of me. Either he thought the paperwork for the program wasn't worth his time, or he knew they had no inventory to sell (since lots are basically empty and pre-ordered cars are all sold already), so why bother? When I verified my vehicle qualified, I called back and had him paged, and you can guess, he didn't ever pick up. He wasn't interested no matter what. He knew he gave me a line of crap!!
Needless to say, I was annoyed.
When money changes hands, be careful. People will tell you anything!
Next we went to CARMAX and test drove the vehicle. By the way, CARMAX verified my vehicle qualified and they wanted it! Of course, I didn't want to give it up. It wasn't worth it for me.
Anyway, CARMAX didn't have exactly what I wanted so we came home and I got more price quotes. The prices seemed high for the vehicles (even at CARMAX), so I did some more research. What I found was a pricing guide online that took actual sales and charted them out, for my exact vehicle. It averaged 1200 sales records. With that, you can see what others paid and what is a fair price. You can see an example here (click on Get Pricing Analysis).
Low and behold, the dealerships where I was calling or visiting were all charging on average around $3,000 more than the sticker price, which was, you guessed it, $3,000 higher than what most people had purchased this vehicle for. You can assume that the statistics are from sales prior to the CARS program.
I was like what the hell?! I tried to negotiate, but hit a dead wall. The dealerships are taking away all the incentive and those who don't even want to participate in the program will be paying top dollar, if they buy a car now. It's supply and demand, and the dealerships know people will pay, because they think they are getting a deal, even though the reality is, they are not! The dealership and salesman are!! They are realistically giving you $500, but I wouldn't doubt that gets sucked in somewhere, too!
Do you think this is honest?
The CARS program should have taken this into account as we the citizens, are getting hosed again, if you want my opinion.
I'm delaying my purchased until the CARS program ends. Maybe then they will have ramped up production on the vehicles and they won't have buyers, which will hopefully drive prices down to near factory invoice again, which will save me thousands!! Literally.
There is always a catch, if you do your homework. Money doesn't come for free often, and when it does, you can be assured the sharks will come out and feed big time. It's a feeding frenzy, at the expense of the average citizen. No surprise, for me, sadly.
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I'll never forget one memory I have of my dog Lucy that absolutely astounded me and I think it will astound you, too. Lucy was a brilliant dog on many levels, and she had one of the keenest intellect I have ever seen in a dog.
We were eating dinner one night about eight or nine years ago, and it must have been something Lucy really loved because out of the blue with total silence around us, she started to bark and went running to the front door. My husband I both looked at each other. It's dark outside, and there were no noises, so we wondered what she was barking at.
Read moreOddly, she barked three or four times, and then came circling around the living room and back into the kitchen--promptly sitting in the beg position, where our other dog Charlie had previous sat. He was now barking at the front door endlessly convinced someone was out there. We figured we just didn't hear whatever it was, and we went back to finishing our meal, which included sharing nibbles with each dog, but now Charlie was out in the entry way barking--missing his share, and Lulu was now getting bites from both my husband and me. At first I didn't pick up on it.
Then as Charlie returned because no one materialized, our little rascal Lucy did it again. She ran off around the living room this time, which was not a direct route to the front door, and started barking again. It was odd behavior.
This time I decided to figure out what this was all about, so I hightailed it in behind her and watched her, unknown to her. What I saw perplexed me. She stopped barking for a second, and stood there looking around. She didn't look out the door like she normally did. Instead, she looked left and then right, and then barked again off into nowhere. If you weren't paying attention, you might have thought she flipped her lid mentally. But when she saw Charlie, who was always slower to come running around the corner, she turned around like "Good! I gotta ya, fool!" and took off back to the kitchen with intent and purpose!
I was like,"What the heck is going on here?" She startled when she ran into me in the doorway to the kitchen, watching her. I could sense this feeling of "Oh no" from her and out of the blue, she turned back to look at the door and barked once again as if to say there really is something out there. Then she looked at me. I wasn't buying it!! It was clear to me there was no one out there, and she and I both knew it. She then promptly followed me into the kitchen and proceeded to beg.
When something is outside, she is usually so roweled up that we can't pull her away from the door for anything. I knew instantly there was a change in her behavior.
At first I was perplexed, but as soon as Charlie came in again to get his fair share and she ran off barking again, I saw a pattern. She realized if she could fake Charlie out with a false bark, he would get distracted for a reasonable amount of time, and she could then go and get his nibbles because he was out of the kitchen. She'd get twice the bites-- because now she could beg from both of us, without any competition. We watched poor Charlie go barreling to the front door, thinking she had sounded a true alarm, and he'd bark for 4 or 5 minutes before finally giving up and realizing he was missing food.
Our little stinker Lucy devised a plan, and must have realized that if she lied and acted like there was someone at the door, her slower companion mutt would fall for it, and she would get all the goods! We watched her repeated it several more times. Her body language was clearly "off" as was the tone of her voice for an alert bark at the door. She was trying to fool all of us and nearly did!
Science has uncovered that animals lie in the wild to gain the upper hand when it comes to food, mating and survival. Here is an article that talks about deception in the animal world. Who knew Dolphins lied, too? Have you ever seen your dog pull a fast one?
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Naturally, you can guess, when people know I am a lie detector, one thing they do is try to fake me out with a lie, jokingly, to see if I will catch it, and my husband is no exception.
Yesterday, I was out and about with a friend, and when I came home, I asked my hubby if he sat outside and relaxed. Before I left, I told him it would do him wonders if he did, so I was hoping, when I came back, that he did just that. He needed some fresh air (after painting my office, of course!).
Read moreHe was standing over a huge, delicious pan of lasagna when I asked him, "Did you take some time to relax today?" He was looking down, trying to cut a piece and serve it.
He said very seriously, "No, I didn't."
His face was as still as a piece of wall art. I was in the dark for a second. Then he said "No, I didn't" again, and in an instant, something caused the lower portion of the center of his left eyebrow to twitch in a flash.
"Ah!," I said as I grabbed my plate of lasagna from him. "You did sit out. I am so glad to know that. Do you know your eyebrow just twitched and gave you away?"
My husband look up at me, grinned and looked left and then right and said, "It did?"
I smiled and sat down at the table to share Sunday dinner. "That was amazing," I said. "I don't think I've ever seen that one before."
Unless my husband happened to get an involuntary body twitch at the exact precise moment of his lie, there was no other explanation for him to show a sign of tension like that. I think he was working so hard to prevent himself from making any smirks or smiles that his face was so tense, it hiccuped.
So, while I couldn't be 100% certain it was a lie by his twitch only, the odds were quite high that it was, and when I told him it was and he smiled, I knew for sure that I had called it right on the money.
The odds were low that he experienced an involuntary twitch at that precise moment, and more than that, they were low because the twitch didn't repeat itself--which is common for the average twitch we all experience, without reason, from time-to-time.
I am so grateful my husband thinks that my abilities are something to poke fun at, and he is very playful about it. That is a big blessing!
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Here is an interesting fact I had heard several years ago that I thought was quite interesting. I never would have guessed this:
Studies investigating lie detectors' confidence in their decision making typically reveal three findings. First, there is usually no significant relationship between confidence and accuracy (see DePaulo, Charlton, Cooper, Lindsay, & Muhlenbruck (1997) for a meta-analysis).
Second, confidence scores amongst professional lie catchers are typically high (Allwood & Granhag, 1999; DePaulo & Pfeifer, 1986; Strömwall, 2001; Vrij, 1993) and police officers are sometimes found to be more confident than lay people (Allwood & Granhag, 1999; DePaulo & Pfeifer, 1986) (source).
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Last night, CBS 60 Minutes' Katie Couric interviewed the hero pilot, Captain Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger, of Flight 1549 which crashed into the Hudson three weeks ago.
If you want to see the remainder of the interview, go to CBS's website.
Read moreIt is simply fascinating to watch Sully speak, and to listen to him talk to air controllers in the moments before impact. His voice is incredibly focused, and out-of-this-world calm, considering that he is at the helm of an aircraft that is disastrously malfunctioning and over one of the most densely populated areas in the world. Add to that, it is his actions that will ultimately decide not only if he lives or dies, but whether another 155 souls survive as well.
Sully has great control over his emotions. He is a man who lives his life by reason and logic. I am sure those who know him well would tell us he has always been an emotional rock. He is and always was in control. And he remained in control and kept his wits about him under the most harrowing of circumstances. It's simply amazing.
Not only was he amazing in his focus and control, but even after everyone had disembarked from the sinking aircraft, and Sully was on dry land, he still wasn't at peace until he could truly confirm, again, that all souls on board had made it out alive and were safe. And that was after he walked the empty plane twice before he disembarked! He is truly a remarkable man: a man of deep ethical values (Did you see this?).
As Sully puts it himself, he believed his life experiences leading up to that day were all there to help him in these critical moments.
Yet when we watch the the majority of Sully's interview, his emotions are muted, and his expressions are minimal. He stares at the camera and the audience intently as he recalls his story, and very uniquely, he almost never breaks his gaze as he recollects and talks of his ordeal that day. He doesn't habitually look up or down as most people do when they recall things. At one point, Sully even says the experience was unbelievable, and when he does, he shakes his head from side to side.
Captain Sully gives us what most would people would consider a heap of red flags that hint at dishonesty, if we didn't know he was telling the truth here. He experienced a horrific nightmare that ended almost magically, and yet Sully shows very little emotions until the end of the show.
I personally think Sully still hasn't come to terms with everything that has happened. He is still processing it, trying to make sense of it, and perhaps still in shock. He even commented that he has lost sleep because he wasn't sure he could not have done things better! Simply unbelievable.
For me, all of Sully's behaviors are genuine and true because they match his personality. If I didn't know the truth here, I would likely hone in on the truth, due to what I call paralleling. When I look at Sully, I get an immediate sense of his personality. His facial features and emotions identify to me that he is a man who is very humble, giving and kind. I would be able to confidently speculate, based on that, that he is a man who is reserved, without an ego, and without a temper. He is quieter than most and with that, I would not be surprised by his lack of expression or emotion. It would not stand out to me.
So next time you see a clue or two, think twice before saying "deceptive". You may convict an incredible human being, like Sully, if you don't know the nuances of personality and behavior.
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Comment Policy: This blog is about understanding human behavior. You have the right to state your opinion if it is respectful. Disagreements are encouraged if they meet this standard. This blog is about deception and not about politics or religion--hence discussions on these topics will not be tolerated. Anyone who violates these general rules will be immediately banned. I have a zero intolerance for rude and disrespectful behavior. Permalink
What is so fascinating about the Bruce Mullenix in the video is his body language when he speaks. After Erin Moriarty says Bruce had a "rock solid alibi" the night of the murder, if you only watched Bruce's body language and tried to discern if he was honest or not here, you would likely conclude Bruce was being deceptive. He shakes his head no when he says yes, and he shrugs his shoulders when he says "Yeah, and I knew that" to Erin Moriarty.
Read moreYet Bruce is NOT lying here. If you thought he was, you'd be clearly mistaken.
The reason I point this out is because there is not one universal clue to deception, and I want people to see this conclusively. Yes, shrugging of the shoulder, or shaking of the head opposite to verbal clues can indicate deception, but when you see it, it doesn't always mean that someone is being deceptive.
We know that what Bruce is saying here is the truth. The police made him a suspect, their number one suspect at the time, and cleared him. Bruce Mullenix was also out of town when his ex-wife, Barbara, was murdered. And to back it all up, I believed Bruce when I saw him talk. His behaviors were very consistent with what he was saying to me.
Well, how could that be, you ask?
For me, deception detection is not all about the clues. I can't stress that enough. For me, when I look at a person, I have an immediate sense of their personality. I don't know if it is facial features, or expressions, but I can usually tell people many facts about a stranger with stunning accuracy, without ever saying a word to them -- by simply looking at them, or a photo of them (see what I call paralleling). With that, I listen to what a person says, to see if it matches their personality type, and their typical, expected behavior. That's how I come to the conclusion whether someone's behavior is natural and honest, or deceptive, much of the time. The clues only come as supportive evidence for me.
Dr. Maureen O'Sullivan says it best when she says, “They [wizards otherwise known as naturals] seem to have templates of people that they use to make sense of the behavioural deviations they observe... So it is not a set of disembodied cues, but embedded behaviours that are consistent with each other as well as with the kind of person exhibiting them (source).”
So next time you spot a clue to deception, don't be quick to call someone a liar by one or two clues alone. The process is a lot more complex than what it appears on the surface. I personally recommend focusing on the facts and looking for inconsistencies, first. That will be much more reliable and trustworthy for the average person. Had we done that in this case as well, Bruce would have been cleared quickly, and focus would have fallen where it should, on Rachael Mullenix and Ian Allen.
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Comment Policy: This blog is about understanding human behavior. You have the right to state your opinion if it is respectful. Disagreements are encouraged if they meet this standard. This blog is about deception and not about politics or religion--hence discussions on these topics will not be tolerated. Anyone who violates these general rules will be immediately banned. I have a zero intolerance for rude and disrespectful behavior. Permalink
I'd be fibbing if I told you I wasn't looking forward to the new show on FOX coming out this month called Lie to Me. I am really excited for the concepts and work of Dr. Paul Ekman and his colleague Dr. Maureen O'Sullivan to finally get mainstream media attention so that the average person understands what human lie detection is all about.
So many times when I've shared my biggest passion in life with people that I have a talent to spot deception (that was studied by Ekman/O'Sullivan), I get a response of "Oh my sister is in to psychic stuff, too." You don't know how exasperating that is! I'm not into psychic stuff, and find that comment annoying because it shows a total lack of understanding of the concepts I just spoke about. But of course, with anything new, it takes time for new knowledge to be understood and respected.
I have no doubt in 100 years this science will be vital to all societies who seek justice and truth, but at this time, we are on the infant stages of recognizing this as a science. So I am hoping this show is a whopping success because it will help people open their mind to a new concept -- a concept I am very passionate about, a topic I have put my heart and soul into for 4 years.
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In the past week, several people have mentioned to me that they come to my blog with the hopes of improving their deception detection skills. And while I would love to write that is the reason why I write this blog, it's not.
I don't doubt that you will pick up a clue or two that hints at deception, but I don't believe it will improve your overall accuracy at spotting a lie to any great degree. There are so many nuances that go into determining if someone is deceptive that vary case-by-case, it isn't as easy as applying one clue or another across the board to become a skilled detector. If you do, it will trip you up one too many times and be costly for you. Guaranteed (see this post). I strongly discourage it.
If deception detection were about knowing and understanding the clues, most people would be masters of it, but studies show us this is not the case.
Read moreBelieve it or not, but before I wrote this blog and tried to understand what I do naturally, I know if you asked me to list all the clues I used to spot deception, I would have struggled to tell you one or two. I say that in all honesty. I truly don't believe I could have identified them to save my soul. In fact, it has taken me four years to verbalize the clues that I see when I spot deception.
But I can tell you that I was good at understanding other people. I was good at understanding human behavior down to the little ticks we make when we are about to speak, but don't. I understood the signs of hesitation, the facial expression one makes when he is thinking, pondering and wondering. I could spot a dreamer out of a crowd, and identify the hidden signs someone was truly depressed despite their verbal message.
Understanding human behavior is where my strongest talent is, even today. Deception detection is just a sub-skill of that.
All my life, I loved to ask people "What are you thinking?", "How are you feeling?", "Why do you feel that way?" to the point I drove my friends when I was younger INSANE. I always wanted to know the who, what, why, where, and when [sometimes the how]. I just had to know. I was beyond curious! Even when we made up after an argument, I had to understand why they felt and acted the way they did, even if they were right. Of course, being a child in this quest for knowledge made it easier to be so nosy.
On the first day at my new job as a "professional" after graduating from university, the woman who was assigned to show me the ropes stopped me in the middle of my introduction to some equipment and said, "What is this 20 questions?" in a very exasperated tone.
Mind you, the 20 questions were not about the equipment before us, the company or my job, they were about her, personally.
Yes, that's right, no one was exempt from my desire to be understood. There was never a predicament that I found myself in where I didn't seek to understand the other side. I wanted to walk in their shoes, if only for a second. I wanted to understand them, to the core.
So if you want to improve your deception detection skills, start by studying and getting to know the truly intricate behavior of honest people. Watch their behaviors. Watch them talk, move, interact, react and behave in a variety of situations. Get to know people like the hairs on the back of your hand and study how they react in every situation.
I can tell you it takes time. Lots of time, but persistence should yield some results--if you are truly interested and dedicated.
Then test yourself. Watch someone and see if you understand what each minute gesture they make means. Don't just guess--ask them "Were you just thinking this? I'm curious." See how often you are accurate.
Work until your accuracy is stellar.
Talk to people when you don't understand them, and ask them what they are thinking and why they are thinking what they are. Open up dialog. Ask questions until you do understand.
Learn about other people -- familiar and foreign. Learn to understand the nuance of normal human behavior in every situation you can because once you can do that, deception detection will become a whole lot easier. It will become like second nature.
So there you have it. Do know that I never did set out on a quest to do this. It was my nature, how I was born, how I took in and approached the world. But this, I think, is one of the more powerful ways that you can improve your ability to understand others, and improve your potential to spot a lie.
Why do I write this blog? Do you still wonder? I thought people would enjoy seeing how someone with my ability thinks, how I come to my conclusions and how I see the world. I also write it because it is healing for me to share my thoughts with strangers, as people one-on-one often get uncomfortable when I share my inner thoughts. And last, I'd like to show that truth wizards really do exist and that we do have talent. By writing my thoughts before a live audience, I hope to build a record of what is possible with regards to deception detection.
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Comment Policy: This blog is about understanding human behavior. You have the right to state your opinion if it is respectful. Disagreements are encouraged if they meet this standard. This blog is about deception and not about politics or religion--hence discussions on these topics will not be tolerated. Anyone who violates these general rules will be immediately banned. I have a zero intolerance for rude and disrespectful behavior. Permalink
ALL IDEAS AND CONTENT ON THIS BLOG ARE PROTECTED BY LAW. DO NOT COPY ANYTHING WITHOUT WRITTEN PERMISSION. Any violations will be prosecuted to the fullest extent allowable by law.
Comment Policy: This blog is about understanding human behavior. You have the right to state your opinion if it is respectful. Disagreements are encouraged if they meet this standard. This blog is about deception and not about politics or religion--hence discussions on these topics will not be tolerated. Anyone who violates these general rules will be immediately banned. I have a zero intolerance for rude and disrespectful behavior. Permalink
Now that all of you have voted on what you think are my biggest clues to deception, I thought I would share with you my thoughts.
I feel strongly that my two biggest tip-offs that someone is lying are inconsistencies in emotions, and odd word choices. These are what I believe are my two biggest clues.
Read moreNext I would have to say is inconsistencies in fact, followed by inconsistencies in personality/character, and microexpressions. The last two being interchangeable.
Inconsistencies in emotions
Odd word choices
Inconsistencies in fact
Inconsistencies in personality/character
Microexpressions
Here are your thoughts:
Microexpressions aren't all that common, or if they are, I don't always consciously notice them, and I don't blog about seeing them all that much. I have to wonder: Do I see them, register them into my equation, but I am not conscious of them? I don't know.
I took a few minutes to review a handful of cases in my blog to see what clues I truly used most, and I have to say I was surprised. Of course this is nothing scientific, and could totally change if we reviewed every case I have discussed, but it is interesting nonetheless:
Anna Ayala's son: inconsistent emotions, odd word choices John Mark Karr: inconsistent emotions, inconsistent facts Ted Haggard: inconsistent emotions Britney Spears: odd word choices, inconsistent emotions Howard K. Stern: inconsistent emotions, questionable facts Adam Saleh: inconsistent emotions Bobby Cutts: odd word choices, inappropriate voice inflection
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I found a light for my bathroom a few months back that I liked, but I decided foolishly to wait before purchasing it until we were ready to install it. No need for it to just lay around. You would guess they discontinued it in December.
Considering that December was only a handful of months ago, I decided to see if I could find one online in an off-beat location, or warehouse sitting on shelf. There has to be one, but can I find it?
I am hopeful.
Read moreI spent an hour yesterday calling around, and visiting websites. I called numerous places, but everyone was sold out. I didn't give up. I know there are some sitting in warehouses somewhere!
Then I found a website that I had run across before using a different search string, and they said they had it in stock! They said on their website they keep all items in stock, and the item would ship in 24-48 hours. But before I got excited, I decided to call them.
They just didn't have a number listed anywhere where I could reach them at so I emailed them and waited for a response.
It's not good that they don't have a phone number. It's a red flag, but I reasoned in my desire and longing for this light that maybe this is a home run business, and they don't want calls at all hours of the day. Maybe this business buys discontinued items--that's why they had them in stock. At least that is what I told myself.
Damn emotions!
So today thinking about the light again and not hearing back from them, I went to the website, and I decided oh-what-the-heck, I'll just order it and see. If they don't have it, they won't charge me. It won't be the first time this has happened without a hitch.
So I put the light in the online cart, and it asked me to create a new customer account. So I did. That's when I saw on the registration page my second red flag.
It wanted a shipping address. It read as follows:
Street Address: Suburb: Post Code: City: State/Province: Country:
What?
We don't enter our address in this format in the U.S. Clearly, this is now hinting to be a company overseas acting as if they are an American company. Yet, when you pulled down country option, there was only one selection for the United States, and they had an American fax number.
Hmmm...
It was fishy.
Then below that, it showed shipping charges of $69.00 labeled as "Best Way". There was no other explanation for shipping provided. I was looking at small vanity light. Clearly, the shipping charge was insane.
I knew I was being had, and now they already had my real name and e-mail address. I am a bit unnerved. I went back in to see if I could modify my account, and I could so I added in all bogus information deleting anything personal I could find. How scary!
I then went to check out who owns the IP address, and while they give a Wilmington, Delaware address, and have an American contact whose name is foreign, they write their phone number like this:
+1 1232342123
That's how they do it overseas. Bah!
Clearly, my emotions and desires were leading me astray. I wanted that damn light, and I was overruling important messages. I wasn't listening to the signals I was getting when clearly I should have! I am so happy I never gave any credit card information.
Emotions are our biggest derailment to seeing the truth for what it is.
And now, two hours later, I found the light in-stock in a store 30 miles from me. How about that? I did it. Safely. Whew!
Keep those emotions for desires and wants in check, or you are bound to have regrets sooner or later. I think I came close to having my own regrets today!
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I spoke to my dad this weekend about his crown to find out what happened. He went back to the dentist to get his crown cemented in late last week for the second time. I was curious to know how it all went.
My dad told me after the assistant seated him, and just after the doctor greeted him, he said to the doctor that he did some reading on the web, and saw on Wikipedia that gold crowns were on average 20% less than porcelain crowns. My dad asked why he did not get a reduction in price (when the doctor at the ninth hour had changed the order from porcelain to gold)?
Read moreThe dentist said did you come here today to chew the price down? Is that your goal?
My dad politely said no. I want you to do what you think is fair. I'll leave that decision up to you on how you want to handle this.
My dad said the dentist immediately said he was going to have that information on Wikipedia removed at once, and that if my dad didn't trust him to make the appropriate choices for him as a professional then he wasn't interested to do business with my dad.
My dad immediately pipped up and said that it wasn't that he didn't trust him because he had. My dad reminded the dentist of a recent referral my dad had sent to him--a woman who was getting three crowns, and who was also in the middle of her procedure a few weeks behind my dad. My dad said "If I didn't trust you, I would have never sent you a recommendation."
The doctor retorted back in an angry voice, "I don't pay for my recommendations."
My dad saw things were going well. The dentist was mad, indignant and simply wanted my dad to go away. The dentist left the room and said he had an emergency, but that he would be back.
My dad guesses that the dentist went to check out Wikipedia. He then came back, cemented in my dad's crown, and told him never to come back.
My dad asked him if he was sure he wanted to do this , and the dentist angrily said yes!
My dad then walked out to pay his bill not knowing what he'd find. He was shocked. There was an additional $200 bill waiting for him--on top of the full price they had agreed upon originally. It was a $200 charge to cement in the crown! Can you believe it? I used to work in a dental office and this is beyond outrageous.
During the last visit, my dad specifically asked if there were any additional charges if they switched to the gold crown from the full priced they had agreed upon, and the dentist said no. Worse, my dad endured extra drilling and pain because of this man's oversight, or mistake, and now this dentist wanted to charge him more on top of that!
As my dad looked closer, it said "Fee waived".
Clearly, this dentist thought my dad was an easy take, or at least he had thought that before my dad spoke up. I suspect when the dentist left the room, he went to check out Wikipedia, and then went and corrected his outrageous billing tactics. He should have pulled it, but instead came into the room when my dad was paying his bill, and said I am not charging you for cementing the crown. Instead, I will write off as a loss!
What nonsense. Did he think my dad would think he was honorable? He is an absolute crook!
He not only was dishonest with my dad the first time when his work was rejected by the lab --now he wanted to over-charge my dad on top of it!
This only makes me wonder how often he gets away with this. He is quite arrogant in the face of questionable practices.
When my dad looked at the remaining bill he was prepared to pay, the dentist had reduced the total due by 10%. I guess that was his way of conceding there were valid complaints.
He never provided my dad any explanations, and Wikipedia nearly five days later still shows the cost of a gold crown is on average 20% less than a porcelain crown. He never got that removed. I wonder why?
When money changes hands, I can't say it enough--be careful. An honest professional should always be willing to explain things if they don't make sense to you. That's part of their job as a professional.
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Comment Policy: This blog is about understanding human behavior. You have the right to state your opinion if it is respectful. Disagreements are encouraged if they meet this standard. This blog is about deception and not about politics or religion--hence discussions on these topics will not be tolerated. Anyone who violates these general rules will be immediately banned. I have a zero intolerance for rude and disrespectful behavior. Permalink
My father went to a new dentist that was recommended by two people to get a crown. My family and I have been on a quest to find a good and honest dentist for months and months now. We finally had our hopes up that this time, maybe, we got one!
On the first two visits to the dentist, my dad seem pleased. His tooth was prepared for the crown, and all was going well.
Then yesterday, my dad went to get the new crown cemented in. He was happy to have the procedure behind him. But within the hour after leaving, he called my mom and I who were visiting during his absence. He called to say the dentist has changed his mind, and had decided he wanted to put a gold crown in instead of a porcelain crown because gold would be more durable, if my dad agreed.
Read moreMy mom was immediately on alert that something was fishy, and asked if the price was going to go up. My dad assured her it wouldn't. The dentist said the price would be the same.
One would assume that my dad would be getting a better deal then, would you? Gold is a premium product.
Well, after my mom hung up, her wheels were spinning. She looked at me, and said something is up! There is some dirty business going on here. He was supposed to get his crown put on today, and now they are changing his order. What's up with that? This doesn't make sense.
Did they forget to order his crown?
Are they going to raise the price on him, and not tell him? What is going on??
My mom was visibly annoyed. This dentist wasn't being honest, and she knew it.
We sat there, and talked about it--wondering what my dad was going to tell us when he came home. We waited for my dad to return quickly since they were changing the order, but he didn't. Instead, he returned two hours later, so we were really curious!
When my dad walked through the door, and talked, we could tell his mouth was numb by the slurring of his speech. The dentist re-drilled around his tooth again. Obviously, there were issues, but did his dentist tell him this? My mom and I asked.
"No, he just changed the plan," said my dad. "The dentist told me my bite is hard [which the dentist knew weeks ago], and so he decided I should have a gold crown instead."
My mom said, "This dentist isn't being honest, and I don't know why, but I don't like him!! I don't like what he is doing!"
Mom my was going to think it through until it all made sense. You could see her wheels spinning. My dad, however, just wants to trust people, so he was getting visibly annoyed at my mom. He didn't want to hear the truth. My mom and I are not easy to live with. We often see problems where others see none.
I immediately got on the web, and searched for gold crowns versus porcelain. Guess what I found? Gold crowns, while they are more solid than porcelain, are on average 20% cheaper!!! But this dentist didn't offer my dad any discounts in the price he was to pay. Hell no. Instead, he told my dad that he changed his mind due to my dad's hard bite which made no sense after the crown was supposedly already ordered!!
No dentist would change the order after it was supposed to already be delivered because he would be out money to switch the order after the fact, and hence he would transfer that cost to my dad, and he wasn't. So that was the big red flag.
What my mom and I suspect happened is that this dentist messed up the work he did the first time, and when he sent the impression to the lab for the crown to be made, the lab rejected it.
But instead of telling my dad honestly that they needed to make a few more corrections, he decided to lie to my dad and tell him a made up story. And he made my dad endure more drilling and more pain. The nerve of this guy!! Had my mom and I been in that chair, tensions would have risen because we would have questioned his inconsistencies on the spot! His version of events, if true, that he simply changed his mind, wouldn't have required more drilling. We would have stopped him on the spot, and said wait a minute! We probably would have found an egotistical man, and walked out.
A simple statement of "We need to make a few more corrections" wouldn't likely have alerted anyone to a problem, and he could have saved his reputation. Instead, he got cheap and wanted my dad to foot the bill for his mistake and in the end shot himself in the foot! Not very bright, if you ask me. We certainly aren't going back to this guy. He just lost an entire family of business!!
Rewind 18 Hours
My husband went to get a haircut. He came home, and after dinner when he turned around, I noticed the shavers had buzzed off a big section of hair in the center of his hairline! You couldn't miss it.
I said, "Turn around. What happened here?" My husband looked left, and looked right and said "What?? What's wrong?" very aware that he couldn't see the offending problem.
My husband ran and got a mirror, and stood before another one, twisting and turning until he saw what I saw.
Clearly, the guy cutting his hair got distracted, or slipped, and took of a lot more hair in the middle of his hairline then on the sides. My husband's hairline looked like this __^^^__. You couldn't miss it. While the middle wasn't gone, it was thinned out more than 50%, and a big visible eye sore.
My poor husband was mortified, but quickly shucked it off as there was nothing he could do. My mom joked on the phone he should tell everyone it is the new French Doo as she laughed. My husband didn't find it funny at all, and went back to the shop.
The owner is the one who cut his hair, and the owner's wife was at the desk when he came in. She offered to fix the problem upon review, but my husband knew the fix would be to shave his hair another inch up his neckline. He declined telling her that would look awful. Then she said she'd talk to her husband about a refund. She went to the back, behind closed doors, returned, and said he was on the phone, but they would give my husband a refund. The guy who cut his hair never came out, and acknowledge it, and my husband has been a loyal, returning customer.
I'm sorry, but after you do this to a customer, I can't imagine too many phone calls that should take a priority. Was this man just giving my husband an excuse so he didn't have to face him?
If you make a mistake, fess up for Pete's sake. We are all human, and we all make mistakes, and that's okay!! Had he apologized to my husband when he did it, my husband might not have been happy, but he would have understood. Or better, he could have come out when my husband was back at the salon complaining, and acknowledged it, and apologized, but he didn't. That's just poor business ethics. I have no idea now where this guy will draw the line.
All this beautician had to do was come out, look at the problem and say, "Oh my. That's awful. I'm terribly sorry." He didn't have to go into anymore detail. But instead of doing that, he ignored it, and frankly lost another family of customers!
Both of these professional men in the twenty four hours leave a bitter taste in my mouth, and feelings of distrust. These men were both willing to deny the truth, and skirt around the issue rather than face it which tarnishes their character, if you ask me. While they only made a mistake, which is completely excusable and forgivable, their unwillingness to face the music, and try to properly rectify the situation only complicates matters, and makes their situation even worse.
No one expects an elaborate defense for a simple mistake. Mistakes happen. We all do them. A simply apology goes a long way.
Is it really worth to deny a mistake? I personally don't think so. I'd much prefer to offer a genuine, heart-felt and sincere apology, and if you can't accept it, that is no longer my problem anymore, is it? I did the absolute best I could, and I can live with it.
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